How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser?

What Is a People-Pleaser?

A person who puts others needs ahead of their own is a people-pleaser. This type of person is well-liked by others and often seen as kind and helpful. People-pleasers can have trouble advocating for themselves.

Why am I this way?

People-pleasing is a behavior that is learned in childhood. Wanting to help people or make them feel good is not bad. Doing it at the expense of your mental health is a coping mechanism.

Niceness vs. People-Pleasing

There is a difference between being nice and being a people-pleaser. People do nice things for a variety of reasons, from feeling good to helping or earning a favor. If you are afraid of being rejected or disliked at work, you may want to do something else.

Causes of People-Pleasing

Poor self-esteem is one of the factors that might play a role. People-pleasers feel that doing things for others will get approval. People with abuse may try to please others and be as agreeable as possible to others.

Ways to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

People-pleasers choose to act this way because they are afraid of upsetting others. A great way to avoid conflict but it will leave you feeling drained and unhappy in the long term. Tips will help you stop being a people pleaser, accept yourself and become a much happier human being. You can stop being a people pleaser, but not by changing who you are. Instead be true to yourself and people will respect you. Get rid of excuses. When someone asks for help or takes advantage of your time, you have the ability to say no. You are confident enough in who you are to be selfish. If you want to stop being a people pleaser, you need to listen to what your inner voice is telling you. The voice may be telling you that certain people are not worth the time and effort.

Meditation can help you to understand what your true desires are and how to achieve them. Spending time alone can help us understand ourselves better. It can also help us to find out what makes us happy. Being assertive is an important life skill that everyone should learn. It’s important to not let others dictate how you live your life. It will help you set boundaries and make sure these boundaries are respected by others. When dealing with friends and family honesty is a virtue. It’s better to say what you’re thinking than to feel resentment or anger. Being open about your feelings helps others understand you better. People-pleasers are often stressed. They don’t seem to know when to stop being so kind.

Exhaustion

How much can be given free of charge before being taken advantage of is important. Being a people-pleaser is not a good way of living. It can lead to feelings of stress and exhaustion. It’s important to control your life and know that you are important.

Allow myself to be me

Pretending and faking who you are will only work against you. Be honest with yourself about what you like or hate. Stay true to your feelings. We let go of who we think we are in order to be authentic. Don’t make any apologies and don’t make any regrets.

Detach from other people’s opinion of me

Most people don’t feel brave enough to show up in front of others because they’re focused on what people think about them than on what they want to say. Seeking validation from other people turns us into their prisoners. We can’t control what other people think, but we can control what we do. The opinions of other people are not a reflection of you, but a reflection of their own system of belief. Know you are beautiful not because others think so but because you decide to believe in yourself.

Set healthy boundaries with the outer world

One of the most difficult things I had to learn was how to say no to things I didn’t want to do. Surprisingly everything was okay when I started telling people what I needed. We teach people how to treat us by not agreeing with what we are told. I change the people if I don’t feel at ease with them. A relationship with boundaries may seem selfish to the outside world. It is a form of self-respect, self-love, and self-care. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Remove toxic relationships

If you have people in your life who make you feel bad for putting yourself first, let them go. It will take courage and they won’t be so happy about it, but it will save you a lot of time and hassle.

Accept the truth

No matter how hard you try or how many times you let people walk over you you can’t have everyone happy with you. Molding yourself to the expectations of others will take you from yourself. Please only be a peacekeeper if it is rational and speak up when boundaries are crossed.

Start Small

It can be difficult to make a change in a short time, so asserting yourself in small ways is often the easiest way to start. Practice in different settings such as when talking to a salesperson, ordering at a restaurant, or dealing with co-workers.

Set Goals and Priorities

Knowing your priorities can help you determine whether you have the time and energy to devote to something or not. If something is sapping your energy or taking too much time take steps to address the problem. You will find that you have more time to devote as you practice setting boundaries and saying no to things you don’t want to do.

Try Positive Self-Talk

If you start to feel overwhelmed, talk to yourself and build up your resolve. You shouldn’t feel obligated to give up your time and energy on things that don’t bring you joy because your goals are important.

Weaker Relationships

If you are putting all of your effort into making sure that you meet other people’s expectations, you may be resentful. While people may appreciate your generosity nature they may also take your kindness and attentiveness for granted.

Avoid Making Excuses

It’s important to be direct when you say no, and not blame other obligations or make excuses for your inability to participate. Try using a decisive tone when you decline something and resist the urge to add unnecessary details about your argument.

Establish Boundaries

You should be specific about what you want to do. If someone is asking for too much, let them know that you won’t be able to help them, and that you are willing to do what you can.

Depleted Willpower

Some research suggests that self-control may be limited. Doing your best to make others happy means you are less likely to have the resolve and willpower to tackle your own goals.

Consider whether you’re being manipulated

Look for anyone in your life who uses excessive flattery to convince you to do a task. It could be a way to pass off something they don’t want to do.

Recognize your reasons

What are the reasons that you don’t need to accommodate someone else’s desire? Is it fear of disappointment? Do you feel obligated to give back because you feel like you have been neglected? Do you fear losing your harmony? Are you afraid of mistreating yourself or not?

Stop apologizing unnecessarily

It’s not a bad idea to throw away apologies, but it makes them less important. Was it your fault that there was bad weather or traffic at home? Is it a bad thing to be busy and ask to call back later?

Anger and Frustration

While you may actually enjoy helping you are also bound to experience frustration when you do things reluctantly or out of obligation. These feelings can lead to a cycle of helping someone, feeling bad for them, and then feeling sorry for yourself.

Effects of People-Pleasing

People-pleasing is not a bad thing. Maintaining healthy relationships with loved ones is dependent on being a concerned and caring person. If you are trying to shore up weak self-esteem, it becomes a problem.

Realize that you have a choice

Awareness is often the first step in a transformation. Even if it may seem like an automatic behavior you have a choice.

Identify your priorities

Once you figure out what your priorities are and what types of people you want to be around, it becomes easier to say no to anything.

Celebrate your progress

It is hard work to over come people-pleasing. Many people wouldn’t be willing to work hard. Take some time to celebrate your victories -.

Remind yourself that you can’t be everything to everyone

No matter what you do someone will disagree with you. You can’t win them all. There is one opinion that matters more than the others.

Assertive communication

It’s difficult to express yourself with confidence. I learned to say no with grace and without offending anyone. Here are some simple formulas that work for me always.

Become my own best friend

I’m in charge for my happiness. I ceased to expect others to make me happy and to satisfy my needs and desires. I’ve made myself a priority in my life. I like to do the things that make me happy. Many of us use other people as a distraction tool that helps us run from ourselves. Having a sense of belonging to the community and being liked are basic needs. We don’t look to other people to fill in the holes in our self-esteem when we have a relationship with ourselves. We need people but we aren’t emotionally needy. You can never feel lonely when you like someone.